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Calm & Cool in a MH Crisis - Outpatient Surgery Magazine - March 2018

Outpatient Surgery Magazine, providing current information on Surgical Services, Surgical Facility Administration, Outpatient Surgery News and Trends, OR Excellence and more.

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J A n u A r y 2 0 1 7 • O U T PA T I E N T S U R G E R Y. N E T • 1 2 3 'I Had a High-as-Hell Hernia' Things only a surgical nurse would understand and appreciate. A lmost every day in surgery, something or someone makes us shake our head, roll our eyes or bite our tongue — sometimes all at once. A person who's never worn scrubs to work would- n't get it. But for you and me, it's just another day at the office. 'Fire balls of my Eucharist.' Patients don't always understand what their surgeon told them, but somehow we know what they mean when they tell us their diagnosis. They had the worst case of something ever known to mankind ("I had a high-as-hell hernia."). Or they were on the brink of death ("I almost died of micro orgasms in my blood."). Or they were about to ignite ("My doctors said I had fireballs of my Eucharist."). We can't make this stuff up. Yes, patients will tell you almost anything, except when they last ate or drank … and the name of the last illegal drug they took and when they last took it. Lose the undies. I try over and over to get pre-op to stop send- ing patients to surgery with their underwear on. If the procedure is going to be below the waist, the undies need to be off. Even if the patient is in the midst of shedding the uterine lining, we don't care. Linens wash 1 2 Behind Closed Doors Paula Watkins, rn, CnOr

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