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O U T P A T I E N T S U R G E R Y M A G A Z I N E O N L I N E | A U G U S T 2 0 1 5
Famous Last Words
Classic pre-induction comments from patients.
A
fter 25 years of surgical prac-
tice, I never cease to be
amazed at what patients utter
moments before induction. Granted,
many drugs are on board, but I can't
help but smile at a few of the last words
I've heard.
• The Hot Dream. One middle-aged fella,
right before induction for a knee realign-
ment procedure, politely asked aloud if
he could "receive the anesthetic agent
that promotes erotic dreams." Thank
God that was the call of anesthesia, not
me. I am an orthopedist, not a Freudian therapist.
• The Truth. Instead of "in vino veritas" (in wine there is truth),
anesthetists are all too familiar with "ex Versed veritas" (from
Versed comes truth). If you want to know the hardcore truth
about someone, ask him under propofol. One day I was about to
operate on a woman whose husband was another patient. They
were both kind and appeared very happy together. When I asked
Mrs. X how she met Mr. X, she replied (just before induction) "We
met at a bar! You happy, doc?" No further questions.
• The Disgruntled Employee. One poor soul, clearly at odds with his
employer, sharply replied, "Bleep them" when asked if his job
would accommodate his time off. I guess the raise wasn't looking
too good this year. Thank heavens our room was not wiretapped.
Better yet, the nurses didn't hear him.
C U T T I N G R E M A R K S
John D. Kelly IV, MD
z SAY WHAT? Patients say the darn-
dest things just before they go under.
