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A U G U S T 2 0 1 5 | O U T P A T I E N TS U R G E R Y. N E T
• The Come-on. I will never profess to be Brad Pitt nor was I ever
asked to be on the cover of GQ. Yet for some mysterious reason
(glaucoma?), some female patients find me attractive. This is
never more evident than when a host of drugs are active.
Moments before induction, I do recall hearing the likes of "Dr.
Kelly, are you free tomorrow night?" or "Are you married? How
married?" Since I have an identical twin brother, some patients
have even ventured to ask: "Is your twin brother single?" For the
record, he has been married longer than I have!
• The Accident. Some patients are so invested in their workers'
comp claims that their singular focus is that the fabled accident
was the root of all their woes. Forget world hunger, prejudice or
nuclear arms — the accident is their reason for being and all else
in life is secondary. Just before propofol administration, it is not
terribly unusual to hear the utterance: "Remember, doc, I was fine
before the accident." Call the court reporter!
• The 'Perkie' Powerplay. In the face of the growing narcotic addic-
tion, it is not unusual to hear patients perseverate over their need
for Percocet only. It is truly disheartening when the last words
uttered before deep sleep are: "Doc, remember I am allergic to
everything except Percocet!" Yeah, well I am allergic to infections!
The truth comes out
There you have it: My list of the most memorable things patients
have uttered moments before induction. The next time we need a
hardened criminal to talk, forget interrogation. Just bring them to
Room 1. You will find out all you need to know.
OSM
Dr. Kelly (johndak4@gmail.com) is an orthopedic surgeon/sports-shoulder specialist
who practices in Philadelphia, Pa.
