Outpatient Surgery Magazine - Subscribers

Why Do ASCs Fail? - August 2015 - Outpatient Surgery Magazine

Outpatient Surgery Magazine, providing current information on Surgical Services, Surgical Facility Administration, Outpatient Surgery News and Trends, OR Excellence and more.

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1 2 0 O U T P A T I E N T S U R G E R Y M A G A Z I N E O N L I N E | A U G U S T 2 0 1 5 Famous Last Words Classic pre-induction comments from patients. A fter 25 years of surgical prac- tice, I never cease to be amazed at what patients utter moments before induction. Granted, many drugs are on board, but I can't help but smile at a few of the last words I've heard. • The Hot Dream. One middle-aged fella, right before induction for a knee realign- ment procedure, politely asked aloud if he could "receive the anesthetic agent that promotes erotic dreams." Thank God that was the call of anesthesia, not me. I am an orthopedist, not a Freudian therapist. • The Truth. Instead of "in vino veritas" (in wine there is truth), anesthetists are all too familiar with "ex Versed veritas" (from Versed comes truth). If you want to know the hardcore truth about someone, ask him under propofol. One day I was about to operate on a woman whose husband was another patient. They were both kind and appeared very happy together. When I asked Mrs. X how she met Mr. X, she replied (just before induction) "We met at a bar! You happy, doc?" No further questions. • The Disgruntled Employee. One poor soul, clearly at odds with his employer, sharply replied, "Bleep them" when asked if his job would accommodate his time off. I guess the raise wasn't looking too good this year. Thank heavens our room was not wiretapped. Better yet, the nurses didn't hear him. C U T T I N G R E M A R K S John D. Kelly IV, MD z SAY WHAT? Patients say the darn- dest things just before they go under.

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