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CUTTING REMARKS
John D. Kelly IV, MD
Tales From the Crypt
Patients do and say the darndest things.
After nearly 24 years of surgical practice, I would like to think that I have seen it all. Well, maybe not everything imaginable, but I have experienced my fair share of tall tales. I would like to share just a few of the post-op phenomena I have witnessed over the past 2 decades.
• Man's best friend. I once operated on a true dog lover. I got the feeling this fellow ate, slept and even bathed with one of his canine friends. When we removed the dressings on the first post-op visit after ACL surgery, several worms came squirming from the tibial wound. I kid you not. The presumed heartworms almost put our athletic trainer into shock. Thankfully, the patient never experienced an infection. (They do use maggots for wounds, don't they?) I wasn't sure if I should give the patient antibiotics or a worm collar!
• Workers' comp shuffle. After performing a successful hip arthroscopy on a rather pleasant young man, I received a text message from the PACU nurse. Alarmed and naturally thinking that the patient was
experiencing some post-op complication, I was stupefied to see that the text essentially read: "Mr. Smith wanted you to know that his hip was fine BEFORE the work accident." Great. Now workers' comp patients are enlisting the services of PACU nurses. I asked the nurse to tell the patient I got the message. I was just hoping I wouldn't hear from his lawyer in the morning.
