The Law of Smokers. Smokers truly believe a nicotine patch
negates smoking.
"Do you smoke?"
"No, I used to, but I quit. See the patch."
"That's great. How long has it been since you smoked your last one?"
"6 o'clock this morning. Why?"
The Law of Love. The patient who tells you you're cute and asks
for your phone number is about to get his genital warts
removed.
The Law of Pets. The next time you have an 85-year-old femoral
fracture or bilateral malleolar fractures, start your pre-op assess-
ment by asking the patient the name of his dog. Chances are that's
what brought him to your facility. It also breaks up the monotony of
asking, "How'd you break your leg or ankle?"
The Law of the Dearly Departed. Should a patient warmly tell
you that you took care of his mom or grandma or aunt, don't ask
how she's doing. Most likely she's dead. Just say, "I'm glad I was there."
Leave that can of worms alone.
The Law of Hearing Aids. A hard-of-hearing patient left his hear-
ing aids, along with his glasses and extensive medication list.
Corollary: If he is wearing his hearing aids, the batteries are dead or
they're turned off.
The Law of a 'Is There a Nurse in the House?' You're out with
your non-medical friends eating, talking, laughing and having a
good time. Suddenly someone at the bar hits the floor. The crowd starts
shouting they need a doctor right in the middle of your first bite of
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