6. There is only 1 inflatable transfer mattress and 2 rooms will need it
at the same time.
7. The procedure with the most documentation is in the room with
the computer that's most likely to freeze.
8. The patient sent from the urgent care center in need of an appen-
dectomy will stop for a Big Mac.
9. There will be a patient who's related to an OR nurse or a lawyer
(yes, the relative will be with the patient in pre-op).
10. Your patient in pre-op will wait until the last minute to pee.
11. The surgeon will want a Foley on the patient who's dry with an
empty bladder.
12. The largest patient will be the hardest stick. Best you can hope
for: a 22 gauge in Bluto's thumb.
13. The patients who can't afford diabetes meds and antibiotics can
afford Dilaudid, codeine, cigarettes and marijuana.
14. Joint Commission or State will choose your case to audit.
15. On laparoscopic abdominal cases, have an absorbable hemostat in
the room. You can always credit it back to the patient.
16. Never assume the relationship of the person with the patient.
Better to ask, "And you are this patient's _____ ?" than to mistake
the elderly patient's daughter for her sister.
17. The patient scheduled for an incision and drainage has had the
wound for more than a week, but tells you he just woke up and there
it was.
18. The drug-user patient will blame the cellulitis on an extremity on a
bug or spider bite.
19. Your nose will itch the very moment your gloved hands get con-
taminated with bodily fluids.
20. You get the hardest cases with the least experienced tech, the
neediest anesthetist and the crappiest preferences sheets.
F E B R U A R Y 2 0 1 9 • O U T PA T I E N T S U R G E R Y. N E T • 1 4 9
