before I can afford to retire. And I count how many times one of my
favorite surgeons drops the F-bomb during a case (out loud so he can
hear me).
• Fear the lice. A patient with head lice some-
how got into the OR suite. I had no idea. The
circulator calmly calls me overhead to come
to the room. I nonchalantly walk in and,
zoom, she is out of there faster than a scalded
dog. Minutes later she's back in the room wearing a bunny suit and a
towel twisted up like a turban on her head. Very seriously she asks if
we could get a couple of space hoods from the hospital. I give her my
look over my mask. But then she says 2 words: head lice. I walk out
shaking my head ... and scratching my scalp.
• Say what? I like to position myself with the computer on wheels
(COW) so I can hear what's going on at the field. During a case with a
pleasant surgeon, I felt like I was in the studio audience of Wheel of
Fortune. "May I have a pick up, please?" "I'll take a stat now, please."
"How about a scissor?" (I'll spin, Pat.)
• The eye test. Many patients tell me they're prediabetic. Is predia-
betes really a diagnosis? Opinions vary on the lab values that consti-
tute being a diabetic. More certain is that diabetes often hitches a ride
on obesity. Sounds prejudiced, but if my patient is obese, before I
even look at the chart, I ask her if she's a diabetic. Nine times out of
10, she's diabetic and hypertensive. It's like getting two for the price
of one.
OSM
Contact Ms. Watkins at pwatkins12@comcast.net.
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